The Beginning

My journey with PPA/D

Nothing could prepare me for this. Not the birthing classes, not the hospital tours, not the baby books or the million Google searches. But who could prepare for something like this. Yes! Our birthing class did have a PowerPoint slide on postpartum depression. It was mainly directed towards the dads as a reminder to keep an eye on their significant other after baby comes. But who would ever think that postpartum depression had a twin sister, postpartum anxiety.

My postpartum didn't make an appearance until 3 months postpartum or maybe it did and I just covered it up. But at around 3 months my anxiety became paranoia. I legitimately believed that someone was going to come and take Lawson away from him. I didn't know if it was going to be someone I knew or a complete stranger but it was then that I decided to delete all social medias and cut myself off from everyone except our little family of 3. Then it became a cycle of anxiety and depression that completely took over my life.

I took me 9 months to reach out for help and now at 17 months postpartum I am still battling with myself on a daily basis. It took a long time but today I am strong enough to share my journey, I have anxiety which causes depression and obsessive compulsive disorder with intrusive thoughts. I am still on my journey trying to find balance as I continue through my journey I will share my triumphs, setbacks, and share my fight against myself.